OK Miss mystique, you’ve been around and I get it. What i don’t get is the fact (or plain/plane truth) that you date different guys for one peculiar reason or another that only you can figure but you don’t seem to be able to find one of your peculiar reasons to go out with me. That’s the PLANE truth but i must admit that it doesn’t FLY with me. #Lame. You refuse to date me and the more i think about it, it seems like you’ve never considered it. Maybe not till i let you in on a lil' secret about how my 'Willie' is so small that countless times girls, ladies, women and i dare say even mothers (defo unmarried and necessarily single) have thanked me after a sexperience. *slaps chest*. Or how some of these different classes of 'flowers' have offered me in your own slanguage 'douche' after i made a sexample out of them. *dusts shoulders*.
It’s saddening how your posts hit a nerve often and at the same time funny how it never lasts. As in you’ve been very lucky not to have ever stepped on my last nerve as the saying goes. Either that or i cannot be committed to staying angry at you. I too, could go on and on about my sexcapades and trust me wen i say that list is endless but i will seize to do so with all the modesty i can muster right now which very frankly is only as minute as a grain of sand. So i think we can both agree that since it’s my trumpet, i could blow it a little. And you can blow me if i might add. Yummy. O_o
Besides me being lala 'the great'
(•͡_ •͡) and my obvious attraction for ‘you know who’, I think i should enlighten you a little about myself. Yes i am tall, dark n somewhat handsome, which automatically pulls my way attention, and it’s something i relish religiously with the best of intentions. Although I’m not rich, i am proudly capable of satisfying a woman who is not a glutton but I do not mind a huge sexual appetite. *licks lips*. I grew up in a large family with sisters, aunts, lots of female cousins and my latest but not recent acquisitions; my beloved sisters in-law. Basically as you would have noticed i grew up around lots of ladies, all of whom have helped me shape my mentality till date. So i am guessing the big question is what do i know about the opposite sex? One thing is for sure and it’s a fact, that though a stupid lady can claim to know what a man wants, the seemingly clever ones don’t seem to know what they themselves want. I would give you an example and then afterwards whether you concur or not is a topic for another day so on that specific issue case adjourned. *slams hammer*.
I’m looking through my windows (not the computer one) and all I see is a very good friend of mine and neighbor. After his wedding he got the apartment next to mine, which he furnished to his taste just like he did his bride, little did he know that the contractor he hired for professional services lent some of his expertise to the wife. Mr. Husband was a hard worker who kept late night’s cos of meetings to be held, and appointments to be kept, and with good reasons too cos he didn’t just bring home the bacon but the best of brands you would find on any shelf. Interior decorator indeed cos he decorated the entire woman's interior severally with 'wet pleasures' until you guessed right the inevitable happened. Finally it was time for Mr. 'decor' to reap his returns on investment from his sperm bank. “Twins” the doctor had said what a profit! Mr. Husband knowing fully well he was sterile applied all the tricks in the book and then some more but got no confessions from his 'beloved' wife. He was unhappy and developed a drinking habit. Obviously we had something in common which was that i loved to drink and well… he just drank. Nevertheless we became friends and one day he shared his predicament while working the Johnny walker. After careful diagnosis i came up with a plan for him (smart lala always, thank you). To cut the long story short, on a very typical afternoon Mr. Husband came home and caught his wife red-handed. Red-handed literally, cos she was actually wearing her hussies favorite red gloves and milking Mr. decors Willie, dressed-up as a farm girl even with the pregnancy. Whoever said “wonders will never end” sure didn’t witness a scenario quite as marveling as this. Fortunately, i didn’t too but was told by my dear friend that same evening when we met at our usual spot something about him compressing Mr. Decor into his phone and sending him like a text message to a doctor. This time i couldn’t say if he was happy but i could tell he was relieved as he narrated how he sent his ex-wife (his words exactly) back to the villa, and finally broke all that reminded him of her which was basically everything she had in his house.
The bible says “he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing” but my friend lost a wife and everything good except his focus. What was reality to him was a lesson learnt for me. It is with much pride that i offer this advice to all up and coming lalas these days, do take my advice, I don't use it anyways… “If you must love, take a first, second, third and most importantly innermost look at who you are willing to love” you've got to sit down and work out where you stand cos you might just not be as lucky as my neighbor, who GOD in his infinite mercy sent two saviors’.
Personally, I think love is not my forte, infatuation is or maybe lust. If you are just like me you are in the right place. Clearly I’m not new at this and here are a few rigid tips that might guide you rightly about it. If the girl is fragile use a bed. If she’s shy do use a very comfy couch and please turn the lights off, especially if she's being led. If she’s nasty use anywhere in the kitchen or your dining set. If rude make it a quickie with her clothes on, but skirts wound up. If she’s the boss do it in her office and if she’s most importantly a xoxo, then by all means...
To be continued.