Wednesday, 28 November 2012

25 things to do before 25 by xoxo Part II

#1 Take Your Litmus Gold test

Whatever you define as your own standards of rich, by all means date a rich guy! And the reason is simple women are categorized into2 types: - the full-time goldiggerz and the occasional goldiggerz!

Occasional in the sense that she isn’t always after a guys’ hard earned sweat i.e. money isn’t the major factor but has to be a factor and full-timers in the sense that every type Is her type provided you “show me the $$” i.e. money is the only factor, like am yet to see a woman who will turn down say CL* shoes as a gift even if she has over 3 unused pairs, and even if the gift is coming from a man that is physically not her type. And this is immaterial of whether she has got her own money or not.

That’s why with women it’s never enough, shoes, gold, bags, clothes, diamonds or faux diamonds it’s just never enough.

So dating a rich guy before 25 is your ultimate litmus test to tell the kind of goldigger you have grown up to be; afterwards you can genuinely say “ye I liked his money but I loved the guy” or “ye I loved his money, not so much the guy himself” or exclaim dryly “he his stingy!”…the stingy card is more often than not associated with bankers.

To date a banker I must be lonely, ugly, old, and horny even if I’m already 2 of the 4…lol…I mean who dates bankers? except bankers themselves of course or other women who have run out of options i.e. 4 out of the 4….meaning bankers are everybody’s last bait why? They are seemingly or perceivably stingy. N.B if you think you love him while he’s yet to be rich believe me you would be over the heels in love once he begins to spend that dough.

The Nigerian environment on its own makes relationship hard work, so guys you don’t have any options money in romance is the most important thing, I dare say it’s the only important thing, well that is after sex…lol. You see the sex thing breaks all the rules, so if you are not exactly a sex Adonis you have no other option than up your $$ game but nobody says she won’t still be rocking the magic stick of a sex Adonis by the side…who said life was fair???lol

So after dating a rich guy a lot of ladies actually do test positive to gold digging. I failed my goldigging test woefully too many times to care. I’m a goldigger fair and square but I’m better than millions of others out there I’m an occasional goldigger .hehehehe

Okay full-time goldiggers have to feel good about digging you are envied by me, I mean mom always says "what is worth doing is what doing well",and I believe her. It’s not an easy job ask professional drenchers and leeches it’s highly labor intensive, time consuming and emotionally draining. You sacrifice love, romance and always have to keep your mind on nothing but the price cos every day is a work day, in fact you’ll should be taxed!

Well men think 99.9% of women are full-time goldiggers anyway only that the one’s that actually have the gold worth digging in the first place constitute only 1% of the total population and are occasionally
emotionally unavailable. Women view every other woman who does a better job at digging as terrible goldiggers e.g. wives as much as the society likes to view them as squeaky clean and victims they are the biggest goldiggers alive, single ladies are only able to scramble the crumbs that fall off their tables but sustain themselves by pooling from serial monogamous relationships.

Some guys fall into the euphoria of she loves me for who I am, I’m sure she does but when a man going through say a divorce asks his wife what went wrong between us she goes something like we don’t have spark anymore so that brings us to what constitutes a spark in a relationship; romantic dinners, holiday vacations, roses, perfumes even a cheap trip to tantalizers involves money so women are advised while digging responsibly to dig hard as possible, because while men are known to put their mouth were their money is they are not necessarily smart about that e.g. you hear men say something like she’s so easy I had her after buying chips and chicken or after taking her clubbing. Meaning in other words even if I had to lay you and you also wanted to be laid so bad you would have let me spend loads more rather than consider me…so you automatically become devalued by being you.

Guys think 30% of men are whack in bed, women think 60% of noisemakers are whack in bed but in reality 80% of men are really whack in bed so that means there is a 0.8% probability chance of ending up with a whacker at least if you must stay there must be something in it for you.
So the moral of the story is let the men spend, they really want to! They love us for being goldiggerz.

Friday, 23 November 2012

25 things to do before 25 by xoxo

1 Sex on the Beach
  It has only 1 rule; there is No shame to have no shame.

  Yeah yeah lotta sex therapists would tell you, you learn by touching yourself. I say you learn by getting your adrenaline pumped. I have a friend who came for the first time in her life first then peed on herself when a gun was pointed to her head she dare not mention she would so love to be robbed again…lol

  School was amazing, thank you for the mails and my exams were even better someone asked me for the high points of exams for me its cumin during exams…yeah I said it I actually cum during exams. You know that rush that comes when you are not done writing and you hear the invigilator scream ‘pens up!!!’ and there is pandemonium, people are rushing, jumping on tables trying to submit and you are still writing and then out of nowhere you feel it boiling inside of you about to explode then….then….then……….yeah that’s the feeling. I know I’m not alone it’s so satisfying… better than an A+, I didn’t just say that…*covers mouth* mom I’m sorry.

Like having sex at the back sit of the car other women have that feeling for example when they cheat on their men, it makes the sin sweeter and your residence in hell even Remember what I always say about enjoying one’s sins? That’s the whole idea it’s not the sin by itself it’s the thought of getting caught that is the steaze. My icing on cake orgasm I must say was at the beach and like whitney houston’s song if I’m asked what I did with my life I would say I achieved the best orgasm ever…when you consider all the women who have never had one you would realize yeah! It’s that much of a big deal!

I’m not a fan of the beach, So while the whole country is going gaga about the MOG’s purchasing private jets im going gaga myself cos bf is still away and my 6 months celibacy makes me assess the bulge in the pelvic region of everything that moves in pants I said bulge not ‘V’ shapes…hehehe who would have thought that? The day would come when the hardest mysteries would be solved on the beach?

Okay let me gist you about that experience it was sexmazing it was my final paper yeah I hadn’t read jack shit but I could befriend Jack Daniels, that’s the shit, you won’t let that just pass with the roll of grass.

You know sometimes to get the orgasm you picture another guy making love to you, for some its exes who give amazing heads or for the shallow types it could even be any Brad Pitt in the magazine covers…the na├»ve once call names I mean that’s just so dumb! You are screwing Ope and moaning Ayo, how and why??? Wait a minute! It’s not just the cheating by itself or the adrenaline pop it’s all in your imagination babes that’s the brain house of that power orgasm… learn to activate The f*ckatoids!!!

Okay I had this amazing fugly frog moment with this whimsical borrower….. It was sex in the beach with multiple midstream orgasms, like words can’t even begin to describe… okay the procedure is this 1st relax with the grass. The beach is the best place to get the rizlar rolled and burnt out like an airtime. Now to what end is that? so in my mind I had motive like he did so we go to the sea side I miss my steps on purpose I had my whole thinking straight and I had it all planned out but I needed an excuse just in case it seemed awkward afterwards

 quiet or it could be the determination to let nothing stop us, the chic moaning next to us must have been in my mind or she must have been me…lol, her pleasurable cries fueled the flames of mindless passion it was heavenly, footsteps seemed faint and then close and then right next to us. Musicians didn’t lie, I felt I was flying over the moon and cupid cherubs were playing the violin. Sex and grass with the master mix four elements of earth, air, wind and fire!!! it was an insanely dangerously combo I couldn’t have enjoyed his vicious bites better, even the spirits of the water in jealous range fought hard as the Water continued aggressively coming, but I was cumin, I didn’t care if I died at that point I would have died fighting the orgasmic fight!

  After all was done while the vanquished was too petrified to speak, the victor was too self-satisfied to care.

  So the moral of a story is if you are a customs officer and need to be posted far away to the deserts of the north and then you leave your incredibly hot and horny Gf in the south then Buy her a vibrator rather than allow another guy do the vibrating. Warning to my Bf!!!