Dear diary: BACK TO MY BASICS by xoxo

You know, I got carried away with all the hits I got last week. Then my friends ‘ballooned’ my head with all these great ideas and possibilities and so the pressure was on, goals were set and off we were to make the blog of the year...msheww some dreams! Then there was work, school, church, meeting deadlines, policing debtors, Lagos traffic, stress, pressure and everything overwhelming. Especially when reality dawned before the sun, they all went to bed I was still working.

It takes a lot to run a blog you’ve to be original, keep them coming, keep people entertained though most times I get boring. You get many encouraging words, some honest constructive criticism and all, but some just downright attack you, no concern for the sweat you put in, but who cares? I won't care too because ’nobody sent me message’.

I see fame differently now, someday I thought I would be rich and famous but now I will rather be the rich than the famous.  Despite the fact that I am anonymous it still wasn't hard to look stupid on social network. Then I look at the ‘celebrities’ with a face and a name I imagine the frustration many of them go through every day to keep playing the roles their fans expect of them.

So I and pilot finally had sex 3days ago, I've been celibate for almost a year and it took a lot to get out of my grief.

It wasn't sensual like I expected and in spirit of the season I refuse to describe my feeling. It didn’t change anything, everything between us remains same. we still argued, I was still bothered about being the other woman and he was still angry about me always wanting to have my way. It’s bad enough I was partially drunk-I just need an excuse hence couldn’t stop his squeaking bed from banging the wall repeatedly and his mom in the house didn't make me look any better.

My walk of shame 6 a.m. the next day is an understatement and the silence that enveloped the room after the condom broke was deafening. My clients didn't care that I was emotionally assailable neither did my landlord they literally chopped me into pieces and then fried me. I had no choice I braced up and got back to work! Times like this you just love your job it seems like a great escape ainit? I was wrong.

Last week while my alter-egos were arguing about cheating vs. commitment I got a call from the hospital mom almost committed suicide. My legs got too heavy to even cross the road. A driver almost ran into me after that call, it was too much for me. In those quick 5 second of unconsciousness how an accident was averted is still my miracle story. The rain wasn’t quiet that day, it wasn’t gentle. This time I let it pour on me, my make-up dripped, I didn’t care about my jewelries and I didn't look for shelter. I didn’t run from it, it was cleansing. I was stiff to my core, stained and drained. It felt like heaven cried for me, we cried home together.

On a lighter note, Pilot and I mutually decided today we weren't going to see again. After studying each other and graduating. He's with his cosmopolitan beauty and I still keep the red shoes. lol