Dear Diary: Fugly Frogs iii By XoXo

HI! Guys sorry I’ve been MIA I’m moving cribs.

Role Playerz:

 I met this 'brutally honest and extremely likeable dude' I liked him a whole lot and the feelings were mutual for a very long time. But there was a ‘but’ he had a Gf and not just a Gf the extent that they were unmarried only because she wasn’t ready.

 He always gave us identical gifts BUT hers was always somewhat superior because I was the other woman. For example we went on a trip to Obudu he took her to Europe. Another time he bought me a cake, a tablet and the latest curve for my birthday at the time, he got her dinner with hers friends an i-pad and the latest bold.

 One typical day we were to hang out but he comes to pick me with Gf at the front sit we just say hi and off we went. They start an intimate conversation and it was really funny to them, thank God for the technology of phones I just kept busy with it doing nothing in particular. The annoying thing is when we arrived his friends were there already. There were 2 guys with dates and 1 without a date yes you thought right I was introduced as the 3^rd guys Gf. The guys English was so bad I couldn’t even pretend to like him. It felt rather condescending. That day we hooked up i launched my favorite dress the one with polka dots; my anger calmed after getting tipsy on many more vodka shots.

Relationships these days: One male, one female, one ex trying to mess it up & one friend, in my case 'other woman', secretly hoping it ends. I despised the poor girl despite the fact that I was the intruder. In as much as this is one fugly frog I honestly liked maybe even loved but love isn’t blind in my case, it’s actually retarded and I was just so done playing the other woman. Then it was a game now its just so lame.

Crazy Infatuation:

 My sisters and I tripped for my dad’s friend, a certain ‘captain’ dude but because I was really young I wasn't vocal about it, it remained my quiet fantasy.

 I never got this one’s number to start with and I don't know why its making my list but every time as a teenager I soliloqized about him and wanked. So as usual one day while wanking in the bath tub after climaxing I opened my eyes and saw her shadow. She was the nosy neighbor the one we all grew up despising omg* I forgot to pull down the window curtains.

 It was my custom ‘nightmare on Shonibare Street’ and she became my ‘Freddy Krueger’. Every day I saw her eyes piercing through me like a poisoned arrow. When I walked to school, ran errands, she seemed to be everywhere all of a sudden. She literally stalked me. And you bet she didn’t just tell my folks she told the whole street.

 My sister took it a notch higher she held his picture as she had hers; nosy neighbor came knocking at the same time my sister excused herself to go to the bathroom. You trust she added salt to the already peppery situation and she said we all did it. In fact I who sat next to mom just got out of the bath. I had this shocked expression slapped on my face like a guy in orgasm I was brought back to reality with another heavy slap pasted on my back #classic case of worse place worst timing.

 Mom was embarrassed she stomped her feet like she always did when she was mad and started banging at the bathroom door at the same time my sis was cumin so she couldn’t stop, she was just screaming “mommy I’m sorry, I’m cumin, I’m sorry, I'm cumin, I'm cumin ooOooO! ah!! ah!!! ahhhhhhh!!!!!” It’s still the butt of jokes at home but at least I wasn't the one mommy caught doing the main thing. I had to purge him from my system before I lose my mind.

 Her own kids all got preggies and still live home with their mama, so much for “virgin kids” and that’s a lesson to all busybody neighbors…lol #justkidding the story didn’t end that way, more like it ended were it stopped.

 Dragon Breath:

 I had this bf he smoked like a chimney hence he not only had bad breath, I'm not saying he is ugly, I'm just saying he’s always about 8 vodka shots away from being my type, but I must add he also stank of money, all the fine denominations.

 As acquisitive as I can get, for the 1st time ever in the history of my brief stay on earth I actually questioned shopping sprees over good health. Omg* it was nothing but a good living definition of a stench from the latrine pits and as enjoyable spending his money felt i was just wondering how I was going to cope with such health menace. It was literally an unhealthy relationship and I chose my doctor’s advice. That unhealthy relationship caused headaches, stress & a waste of my time. The cure for this is to be single.

 I honestly can’t say for sure if this was one of the times I should have just ignored his (docs) advice and I don't know how girls who vote shopping sprees do it but I sure as hell couldn't stand that bad breath.

 Isn't it a pity that the richy kitty actually, literally turned out to be quite shitty? Guess I still have a lot to learn from the best. Always laugh at life.

*preggies - pregnant

*MIA - missing in action