Article: CHEATING vs. COMMITMENT part ii by Lala

 Okay xoxo 1^st and foremost you didn’t address the ‘taming the bad boy’ issue so I take that to be an admission of attraction. I still insist you have commitment issues but that is gist for another day.

 Truth is all free agents we men hit have no direct effect with the feelings we have for our chicks it’s just like the jobs we do many of us hate it but we go to work anyway,we are just biult that way, most times it's just a routine. So the basic questions to be asked are:  

(i)Does it affect how my man feels about me?

(ii)Does it in anyway affect our love life?

(iii)Does it in anyway interrupt his affection for me?

If you answer no to all these questions by all means read on, however if you answered yes to as little as 1 of them It's not a relationship worth staying in.

 Women naturally live in a world of make-believe wanting a rich dude to get them nice red-shoes with red soles et al, ala happily ever after. Mistakes women often make is equaling a guy’s affection with money. You don't love him you love his money! ᵔ.ᵔ For example If you take a chick out with naira equivalent of money you would give a woman of easy virtue, she won’t mind even if she knows your motive is just to hit it and will rather appreciate that than be straight forward, give her cash and say” hey can I get laid?”

 I repeat its only sex! And it’s no reason to waste a wonderful relationship, tried and tested overtime because of some meaningless recreation. You don't leave a Yes cheating Yes commitment rel. for a No cheating No commitment one or worse Yes cheating No commitment relationship.

 The truth you never hear from women is that after a woman leaves a man for another man it dawns on her that she may never get a guy who won't cheat and then she regrets why she dumped her great bf in the 1st place but because you chicks are so used to telling yourselves lies to the point where you begin to believe your own lie is the truth you choose instead to wallow in your world of denial.

 After you leave your seemingly great guy you only end up an easy lay cos you (may or may not know it) end up being someone's side chick or worse still friend with benefit till maybe 35, then you grow passed outrageously sexy to unbelievably desperate, wahala go come enter the whole equation, you’d then find them calling phone numbers of dudes in the friend zone or worse resort to online dating. Then people would say “xoxo you just got Goldied!” ROTFL. O_o

 On a serious note I must add, honestly our great grandmas were super smart because they understood this simple principles 'we seemingly advanced beings' can't seem to grasp. This is in no way saying you should permit groupies in your bed oO and I’m not in any way implying that its okay for guys to change girls randomly like football clubs.  But give thought to your long term happiness.

 Because you are the predictable die-hard feminist that you are let me quickly add that this principle doesn’t apply to chicks. I'm sorry to say but women aren’t allowed to cheat. It isn't inequality it’s innate. For example it’s the way my dad overprotected my sisters while growing up. He didn't want men hitting his daughters the way he hit d azz’s of other daughters of eve (if he suceeded is another topic). That mother hen approach my dear is why you can’t hit it randomly (except of course you won’t mind being the topic over bottles of cold beer or having your bizness in d streets)

 Before you get sentimental, throwing tantrums and having your hormones all over the place remember that men are not like women that analyze and overanalyze every situation, the what's, if's, why's or how's. We either want you or we don’t. We don’t wait 3weeks/3months/3 dates to hit it just to look good/ decent/ follow rules, when we know in the 1st 30seconds. If we want to hit it we just hit it. We keep it short concise and sweet!

 Another thing is please chicks stop being rigid and stop hoarding yourself from your man, what you refuse to give your man many free agents are more than generously willing to share *evil grin*

 My general appeal is to the chicks who harass our faces each day with those massive double ‘D’ breastisies and outrageous backsides bouncing from those pencil jeans like jelly fish but get offended when during a conversation that's all we stare at and/or want to hit! Why would you market what we can't sample? And BTW xoxo that is some amazing azz you got. (•͡.̮ •͡ )

 Lastly xoxo your perception doesn't have to match my reality. It don't matter what you like, want, presume, all that matters is the reality, either you live with it or you don’t. E.g. nice girls often meet men who are physically and emotionaly unavailable that's why it seems w***s are winning but its 2012 and yes they are! Also It’s a reality that most runs girls marry well, is it fair? No! Does that make it right? No! But is it reality? Yes! Separate reality from mere fantasy my dear.

 Bottom line is chicks just love to be lied to square and fair. In short quote me “The most workable relationships are the ones that have the best liars or accept the best lies as reality”.

 So before you go all out and make a fool of yourself again xoxo, All you have to do is ask yourself”what would LaLa say?” *tongues out*

Sweetnotes: MY NAME by Deux

In my language my name means 'the beauty deep within’. It is a cherished gift my mother left me before she said goodbye.

 It is the 12th month of the 3rd year since I’ve waited for you and its time to move on. I remember I stayed because I believed you were my perfect fairytale, I inherited my mother’s heart and it always told me you will be back before I leave and so I stayed waiting, helpless, hoping. I packed my heart in the suitcase I moved in with as a teenager and there is nothing else only my worn out chair I painted blue last week beside the empty space, probably out of season, probably out of style and left behind against the darker wall hues, against the sad day.

I sit at the other side of the table, yesterday again, I was your cousin. I watched you both hold hands and cuddle, you whispered sweet nothings. She told me I had pretty eyes and was surprised I wasn’t taken, every time I hoped to hate her but she was perfect, a little too perfect. She introduced me to her friends as your cousin and bought me gifts; you made me take them it was all part of your grand scheme. I was here 1^st didn’t it matter to you? On the pillow was the scent of her perfume, I could almost taste it. The side of your bed that was mine for ten years became hers and it was her face I saw on the walls with every toss and turn.

She talked a whole lot more, she dressed a whole lot better, she wasn’t like me. Maybe she’s a lot less complicated; maybe she's a lot better than I am. She didn't have the structures of a magazine model or the features of a goddess, she wasn’t like me. She wasn’t temperamental or stubborn, she wasn’t me. Now I’m staring at the creaking doors wishing I could gather the will to stay.

 I know I let you put me were you put me but I chose to stay. I know you would be back soon after you find your way, you always do. After the excitement has melted, after the dust is settled, you would try to unring a bell, you would try to mend broken eggshells, you would try to take back spoken words. But this time you took a bit longer!

I loved you since we played kites barefoot as toddlers; I was there since we curiously checked what was inside our panties. You had me at first sight. You had me, when I fell, when everyone laughed you waved your hands on my head repeated crying sorry and sharing your ice cream with me. Since your mom took me in after the loss of my parents, she was my mothers best friend, God bless her heart. Every time you left she always assured me you would be back and then talked to you. I wish I knew what she said to you because you always came back sorry.

But we are adults now, we are complicated, we lie now, we hate, we let go! You’ve your cosmopolitan beauty now with whom I help you play a role you’ve made me familiar with. But now I rather give fate a fighting chance than play the role of the other woman. I’m done loving you in fragments and in fraction, without taste and without reason.

If the tears I cried for you could fill the well the Samaritan drew from, it would fill you with living waters, and it would give you all the things you search for every time you go away.

In my language my name means 'the beauty deep within', as a child I despised it because everyone I knew had a colonial name...now the only time I lie about my name is when I see strangers. My other name is ‘longing for you’ and that is what I bore until now.

But then you walked in and then I curiously uttered

“Hello stranger, do I remember you? “

Article: CHEATING vs. COMMITMENT by xoxo

OMG! LaLa grow up! I read your whole write up and buhahahahahahahahahha!!!!

Your point in summary is? Excuse me….. Buhahahaha. I can’t stop laughing.

I always tell men like you who love to play because you aren’t grown enough to throwaway old toys. It takes the typical ages to grow. What you are saying is we chicks have to live with your less-functionally-useful women who are willing to stay as free agents so as not to make ourselves look bad and it’s okay if your time is spent primarily with women that enjoy your company and want you to enjoy theirs and your chick has to live with that because you are a seemingly great guy with/and awesome relationships. Ego trips!

Cheapskates look for reasons to persuade women to accept a lesser deal cos they don’t want to part with half their worth. LaLa that I know, you won’t be worth much afterwards would you? ROTFL. You are the type that would manipulate your significant other to stay in a marriage only because you don’t want to pay alimony….*rolls eyes*the same way you spot ‘the one’ is d same way we know if we are/we arent going let you hit it but withhold it from you. So why are you tripping?

I’m not one of those women who condemn the free-agents because am not ignorant of the lying devices men like you put out for these women to let you hit it without making themselves look ‘loose’ for giving it up. Lines like “I haven’t had sex with her in months”, “If only I met you first”, “It’s not working out between us”,"we are not married" etc. some jerks even go as far as denying their own kids “Oo! He’s not mine!” But you go on to claim we women lack commitment only because we edit stories to massage your egos.

You talk about investing in your girlfriends like we are some kind of commodity stocks. We receive gifts the way you receive those asses you gladly hit! And asking for gifts back like premature simpletons...OMG! That's so kindergarten. If you think expensive gifts is equivalent to/will get you to tap my azz then it’s flattering to know my azz is worth it. You have no game if your sorry azz drives me about like a silly pizza guy with nothing but hope to eventually hit it. That is an all-time low!!!

 Since guys say anything they want to hit it then women can do anything we want to outsmart dudes like you. Smart women don’t wait for their men; they open more baskets and spread their eggs. Device or invent any derogatory terms you wish real chicks refuse to be bothered.

Another thing is the fallacy insecure BOYFRIENDS embrace; the belief that with wads of cash they can HAVE (yeah), KEEP (probably not) an 8/10 chick. She would defo keep you in the friend zone or relegate you to the friend zone as soon as she finds a better option; here are some things that MAY help get you out of the friends zone, not that I’m saying you stand a chance :-o

#1 Ya’ll need to augment your talking skills and your lines are just so lame. Talking with most of you is like talking to a baby, no, the wall, no, the pretty red shoes that started all these. (Lala are you sure you aren’t hurting because you can’t afford it…LMAOROTFL). It doesn't even make sense. Guys like you claim to want smart chicks we know it's just to complement their plain dumbness/Blankness (lol). Work on the I want to date you/marry you line just because you need to hit it, its getting rather stale and to the many ‘Mr. (s)’ They mean nothing to us, because we mean nothing to them plain and simple, their function is just to pass time and perform their use while they last....if you claim you can’t have rice all the time we can’t cope with the same sorry asses all the time either!

#2 Some guys will romp just about anything. Guys won’t be friends with women they don’t want to hit. Guys will hook up with women that they detest as human beings just because they want to hit it.  I remember listening to a guy say a chic was so ugly he had to cover her face with the pillow to romp her…..like listen to yourself does the statement even make sense? You cover a girl’s face with a pillow and still insert the P into the V...you would sleep with a dog if u can cover its face with a pillow, men suck big time on that one.

#3 To the sulking guys “persistently” chilling in the friend zone…..you sound so petty and needy you are way worse than the many broke asses that can’t even pay their caab fare home and looking for women to pay their asses. You are worse than cell phones cos u stay in the pocket longer than necessary. I don’t get do you figure out when each woman is available and distribute your time evenly? lol, All this trouble just to hit-it, now that is so so pathetic.

#4 The sorry ones are those dudes who get angry when their side chicks have a side kick, does it even make any sense are you feeling used, angry, played or are you just plain dumb?

 I'm glad though you mentioned 'tame a dog' it’s good to know guys finally admit to be dogs. Blank stare, Blank conversations,Blank expressions, Blank brains. I'm sorry but if I've to separate cheating from commitment I need to separate me from timewasters.

Lastly, LaLa smart women don't throw good men away. We throwaway ridiculously annoying morbidly insecure men who refused to grow and there is exactly why you won't leave my friend zone!

Article: CHEATING vs. COMMITMENT by lala

Cheating doesn’t make a man any less committed to you, the media and literature have brainwashed women into believing commitment and fidelity are one and the same thing. Women need to get down from their high-handedness, expectations and ideas of what an ideal man is because such a person may not just exists…….. Stop waiting for the guy to drop from the moon because every day you may be walking past him. Women have further complicated issues by overrating infidelity as cheating and now we don’t even know if to classify cheating as a noun, verb or Pro-'verb'...LMAO

In the days of old cheating wasn’t cheating till the P gets into the V or A or M, likewise the V goes into the P or M. these days tough cheating can also be the P into the M or A like F/M goes into to the V-note all this as a verb

But these days cheating is sexting, calling, glanceting, pingting, all dimensions technology has brought into the game………, we now have :

*TIME ORIENTED CHEATING: i.e. short term/ long term, 3 times, 1 week, 1 night stands etc.

*IDEALIST ORIENTED CHEATING:  i.e. flings, rationality, morality, reality etc.

*MATHEMATICAL ORIENTED CHEATING: i.e. 20% (before V meets P), 50% (when V meets P), 100% (when P is done with V) and vice versa.

So sweethearts when they say life is a b***h, go out kick asses, they don’t mean it literally no one asked you to be a b***h that way and forget how to be ladies by beating up the other free agents you find with your man, it makes you look bad and makes us feel realy good.

However some relationships (and sadly marriages too) are jokes that will eventually get really expensive.

There are lots of guys who are sleeping with just 1 chick and are willing to dump them the moment they come across someone better meanwhile a lot of dudes have girlfriends and hook up with a lot of chicks on the regular and have no, and I repeat no intentions whatsoever to dump their girlfriends……now that is commitment women don’t get it twisted!

If a dude will dump you for another chick because he had sex with her then you never had much of a relationship to begin with and that should be a major source of worry rather than who he is calling,pinging,texting!

We guys know there is no such thing as a single lady…..hell no! There are no single ladies in the true sense of the word; women receive gifts from men everyday despite being in a relationship but still claim to be totally committed to their boyfriends. They hang out with guys who take them out on dates and expensive dinners when it’s payback time they begin to feign ignorance. Now who is realy not commited?

Every single lady out there has their  driver (who pretends to love their company),the call-guy (dude they call anytime their boyfriends hurt them/or they get stood up/disappointed on a date), the to-go guy(dude they call anytime they are bored and want to hangout),the rebound guy (we all know what that means),the Mr. fix-it (fills every other blank uses) and we dudes aren’t stupid we just hang in there still persistent just waiting to leave the friend zone….sometimes we get lucky, sometimes we don’t. sometimes it gets even better we become friends that come with benefits but at some point this same chicks now expect us to leave our present chick(s) for them, like are you for real?????

Take xoxo’s rants in the last posts for instance, I’ve been on her case since time immemorial, being the Mr. nice guy, Mr. Call-guy, Mr. Fix-it,the to-go guy but she keeps me in the friend zone then some dude comes from nowhere takes her on a couple of dates and DANG! she becomes paranoid ‘he wants to tap it!’. #1 the gifts don't come free babe,there is nothing free even in freetown. #2 she won’t admit she’s attracted to the guy only because she can’t have him…because she knows he only wants to hit it, but somehow her mind harbors the thought of taming the dog. Somehow every woman wants to take credit for taming a bad-boy. You don’t tame a bad boy he chooses to be tamed. #3 You got to give it to the Dude he's game is on Point.

It’s just like Kim Kardashian (or any other hot chic for that matter) can’t tell me while she was with her ex-hussy/bfs for example she didn’t go out on dates, receive gifts from men she knew she had no intention of dating but we don’t see that part on TV it’s the same way we boyfriends never hear that part of our girlfriends lives, even when they narrate how their days go that part is definately edited...we don’t see it,hear about it, but somehow we know it’s there.

My point is regardless of what a man does outside most men still remain committed to their girlfriends/wives emotionally mentally spiritually etc. smart women know this and would never throwaway a great guy and/or a wonderful relationship just because her man strays how women know if a man is committed to them isn’t rocket science, you just know it. Its biologically impossible for we men to commit to more than one woman at the same time, commitments are personal feelings not agreements…it’s like marriage we just know when we find ‘the one’.

So dear women watch less grey's anatomy and think more realism. And dear xoxo please return those shoes they aren’t yours for keeps.

Article: BLANK EXPRESSIONS by xoxo

Because I hate TV I spend most of my time talking

Some are idle chatters many are conversations that just get deeper and deeper till you forget the main topic.

One conversation I just had to email was between my friends and I, all my friends know about my blog and everyone seems conscious these days no one wants to be quoted…lol

There was this day the rain beat me like I was the reason it poured. It would stop the moment I stepped into the bus and start again the moment I got down, not 1 person even stopped to give the lady a lift (times sure have changed) till a nice chap who didn’t mind his leather seats became my angel.

So the other day we had dinner at hotel Ibis, he’s a pilot, handsome, he’s enveloped in the quiet boy façade to the point of boredom, You know this kind of bad boys that hide behind innocent unassuming smiles… he’s one of those people that have their face slapped with this permanent blank expression so let’s call him BLANK.

You know that awkward moment when a guy says ‘so what’s good?’ for the umpteenth time, then you know it’s time to call it a night. Ours was far worse because it was 20min ago we arrived, dinner wasn’t even served, he was that boring *rolls eyes*. The night was well coordinated,well planned though, he was trying too hard but I was flattered!

I survived the night and the next day while hanging out with my close pals as usual he sent a thank you note with a big box of chocolates and oh my we had chocolate like it was a course meal. Couple of days later I got these pretty pair of shoes, really nice shoes (my exact size though I don’t like heels) and now I got curious. I’m not one of those girls this happens to everyday so I had to question Blanks motives, generosity and sweetness. All my male friends unanimously agreed Blank definitely wanted to tap that azz! So this was the bases of our conversation.

My squeaky clean saint called friends insisted I return the gifts. As self-disciplined as I am returning those shoes had ‘gottu’ be the joke of the decade. Everyone agreed I should be ready to play ball when payback comes.  Yes, call me greedy I’m definitely keeping those shoes…I may consider returning the thank you note though. o_O

I know he didn’t like me but was interested in the booty so I took everything he said with a pinch of salt though I won’t deny I didn’t do same with his gifts, my friends disagree and feel I’ve a fear of commitment but that is just gist for another day!

So I did return the thank you note the next time we saw I explained in my sweetest voice and most sober countenance why we couldn’t date he kept quiet for what seemed like eternity and then he asked for not just the shoes but all his gifts “I mean if you won’t date me return all my gifts”, this was were the guys agreed and the ladies disagreed. It was a month now and I had either eaten all the gifts or worn them except those shoes .i mean who does that?

My male friend, let’s call him RIDICULOUSLY ANNOYING, questioned why we ladies believe we earn nice things and gifts just because we are genetically modeled women? I saw some sense in the claim that if women are handed out cash we would take it as an insult but so now the deal is to be given the monetary equivalent in gifts (indirectly paying for my azz)  then it becomes okay to then tap the azz? That is game? And Blank scored a high 85% for effort!!! Guys are annoying!

I guess we would just never truly get the male folk would we?,Oo puleaze don’t ruffle me I am definitely not returning those shoes, I insist it’s a trophy for the torture from a boring date!

Sweetnotes: DEAR RUNAWAY by Deux

Dear runaway,

I’m sure you would be wondering why I chose an open letter to you when the world has mourned you. I want to believe you are in a deep sleep and play the reversed role and be your princess in shining armor and I would kiss you and wake you up from your deep sleep in no time.

With tears in my eyes pain in my heart and deep hurting in my soul I write you this letter, I will write a letter to you every day till you wake up from your deep sleep

It was 4 beautiful years with you, there were highs and lots of lows but they were amazing years and I learned a whole lot.

I learned peace, patience, understanding and so much more. I learned to read the rhythm of one’s heart I mastered the language of love I always felt nothing could go wrong, nothing could come between us but death showed itself more determined.

After you, others have remained tasteless and I forbid myself to ever say goodbye, every night I dream of you travelling a long distance and I imagine running after you hugging you and begging you not to ever let go.

It’s hard to understand that we aren’t meant to be even though we were happy together but I guess its life and the lessons the old say we have come to learn. I can’t move on, I’m afraid to move on, I refuse to move on. I’ve tied my entire life to the web of your whole existence and I can’t untangle myself – dear soul mate!

Spending my whole life with you and dyeing in your arms was all I wished for, hope for, prayed for, imagined. When we talked about the turquoise theme of our wedding, the number of children we would have, the color of our dream house. But instead my heart has been thrown out like a dead rag and it longs to breathe.

I’m so worried about you now, where are you? Did you see God, does the afterlife exist? Are you in a big mansion with gold streets or are they all fantasies? Would we meet later or are you re-incarnated, waiting for me somewhere? Searching for me?

You loved me like I had never been loved; you loved me for a lifetime. You held me like you would never see me again. My smile, my laughter my happiness and my total essence were made awesome because of you.

You were the groom I always dreamed about and the knight in shining armor without the shield you melted my heart. You ignited my passion, soothed my emotion, you renewed my mind in a million ways and replenished my soul. I never forget how tears flowed from your eyes when you were in me the very 1^st time after graduation, mom and dad were away and we sneaked into the pen.do you remember? How your dog lay next to us, we left him there so he won’t wake the neighbors…need I go on?

 I’m laughing now but hot tears stream down my cheek. You always made me feel beautiful in and out.

But now I hide my cowardice, now I hide my pain, now people seem so abstract and emotions seem so frivolous.

I tasted the fruits of your love and I want more, I will wait till you wake up no matter how long it takes. I would stop now I would write tomorrow there is much more to say.

Sweetnotes: FIND ME by Deux

I met him and at the moment even life itself didn’t matter.

When you rolled on me in bed i pushed you away gently, I claimed to be tired.

Your every move irritated me from the way you sipped your morning tea to the times you sang in the shower

Everything i loved about you i began to detest

He rocked my world, he was my sun

I gasped for his kiss the way my niece sucked her mother’s bosom

I erupted like a volcano each time he was inside of me

I clinched him tight but this time he was the one who pushed me away

Why do i love this man who treats a good woman like a doormat?

Why do i enjoy when he hits me and then makes love to me?

Why do i go on my knees each time he yells at me crying and begging?

Why does the pain feel so good?

He called me only when he wanted me and fed me fat with the crumbs from his table

He was nothing but a facade i fussed about

I got carried away by his brimming laughter and pretty face.

But nothing mattered; it was him, the reason for my every breadth.

But one day he called me and the sweaty palms and funny feelings were all gone

a new wave of power gushed into me when he asked to see me, i could say no, i wanted to say no but when he threatened to leave i found myself on his bed

This time when he entered me i felt a different kind of emotion

With every thrust with tears clouding my eyes i remembered you

He never asked for directions because he was lost

He didn’t kiss my hands and forehead like you did,

He didn’t hold me then look deep in my eyes getting lost there,

He didn’t find a solution but helped ignite a problem,

He was physically strong but weak at heart

With each deep thrust i realized i was once lucky

With each wicked thrust I realized I missed you!

As i walked home that day, i found my world had eclipsed,

There was no sunshine after my rain,

And people lied; there was no light after my tunnel

You have been planted like a seed in my heart

Your memory chatters noisily in my head

I feel your heartbeat each time i feel the morning dew.....

I was so into him it didn’t even occur you had left

I just realized, I’m going insane!

Today i sat on the floor of the hospital steps with nowhere else to go

Who do i know owns my baby? The monster or my lost lover

Please find me I’ve searched the world for you.....

Scrapbook: ON THE YOUTH PARTII

             I like to always say amongst us we have Leonardo’s, Galileo’s, Einstein’s, Taylors and it is no exaggeration. We can get there corrupt free with hard work, 1 person at a time.
    I wondered 1day If people only understood the process it takes for a syndicates of (barely educate) yahoo boys to scam a (perceivably intelligent) ex-marine or FBI agent off his life-long earnings, we won’t take for granted the manpower aspect of our countries ‘God given wealth’.
    Or the intelligence a girl takes to manipulate a man off his hard-earnings, the master-mix of manipulation, seduction, emotional blackmail and of course tears, there is only one school you learn it all from- the school of hard knocks. There is some good we can bring out of bad situations. If only they can be empowered, they won’t end up as half- baked graduates, teenage parents, drug barons or semi-literate traders there must be some way to empower these; skill +  logic +  talents + education + renewal of mind = Geniuses.
Let us stop making the wrongest things, from Aristoism, homosexuality, materialism, lust, Greed, dirtiness even laziness look right.
    Let us change our 'Naija no dey carry last' mentality because many times the last learns from the mistakes of the 1st & 2nd……… swiftness isn’t the same as smartness.
Let us stop being more western than the westerners and stop our ‘anywhere but home mentality’. The preachers of Hip-Hop culture live decent lives. Americans don’t live their everyday lives like you see on MTV & E. they aren’t all sick-thin and rich and yes, there are more slums there than you know. Hollywood isn’t America just like Nollywood isn’t Nigeria.
    The homosexual fad youngsters are experimenting with and flaunting in clubs and schools, it takes a lot to get out of your closet and say you are gay in America. In fact you will do well not to even claim it in certain states and around sympathizers of the BAHATI BILL. A lot of things our law pats in the hand, you can go to jail for (e.g. DUI’s, Tax evasion, Bigamy etc.)
    People describe themselves as hip and rocking after a culture of people whom they imitate. The bulk of whom have genetic fashion apathy (lol), they then have the guts to call others un-enlightened, razz, local just because they don’t share in your colonial mentality.
    We can develop the I PASS MY NEIGBHOUR mentality, investing much time showing off and painstakingly striving to the better the people around us. Many of us choose to live the amazing fake lives the media feeds us with like tutored gluttons. We outdo each other from the schools we send our kids, the cars we drive, the homes we live nothing is taken into consideration but the bid to outshine our peers.
    Like all things, we buy phones for ‘class’ rather than ‘features’ like we always do; jump on the next best thing. We want to be the first to own it. We want everything inclusive and exclusive which isn’t necessarily bad but trust us to abuse good things.  This is also evident in our music, fashion, social life and even social networking. Like if you are Hip and current you would be on twitter not on face book. Are you kidding me! , One man even said he couldn’t believe a rich man was using a particular GSM network!!!
    The latest fad, blackberry, is not a statement of class, much more than chat, face book, twitter or browser. It’s your bank, work presentation, your novel or textbook, map, translator, bible etc. it isn’t pricey to massage your ego. Before upgrading to the latest version note that if your income doesn’t tolerate it, work doesn’t demand it’s not wise to change your device every time there’s a new version because mobile technology becomes obsolete every 6 months. 
    Let’s learn to create and not just consume. Young folks like you and I design these devices, their Apps, themes, E-books, social networks, viruses and anti-viruses. Let make our own millions from these rather than download, upgrade, renew. Let's design city- guides’, our own social network, and e-telephone directory etc. If we already do have them, then having more than one will be an icing on the cake. Stop drooling over the sleekness of the latest gadgets designed by teenagers.  
    Let’s be careful how we portray ourselves to the rest of the world, let praise ourselves (rather than pull ourselves down) if no one will praise us. Overall let’s learn how to criticize secretly and praise openly.
    We don’t fight corruption by speaking English everyday on the pages of newspaper; we fight it in our actions daily. By using the revolution of our minds to liberate the black mans’ esteem and status, if we claim to be the giants let’s start from here. Yes, government would need to play its role but let’s see if after we do ours half our problems won’t be solved. It takes time and investment but that’s what it is-an investment. It’s a scientific fact that young blood rejuvenates the brain lets pursue enlightenment , since its only through books we have inter course with great minds and tap into the beauty of their soul, let the old not go to the grave with their wisdom and the young renew our culture of learning.
    My last words are, the youth aren’t bad, they are as good as they were trained!

Scrapbook: ON THE YOUTHS

   It is well known fact that westernization has brought more harm than good and raised more questions than answers, What  makes our lives much more easy has consequently made it much more worse. So, many of us live 70% of our lives in denial or fantasy because its way easier than confronting our lives - the pain, and dealing with it is totally unbearable. Then what do we do? We rather turn ourselves to big fishes in  little pounds; streamlining our idea of success to designer clothes, wads of cash, a big house, Brazilian hair and being able to ‘Pop champagne’ at any time in the club to make a point to people who really don’t give a hoot about you. It becomes our thought which in turn becomes –purpose-character-habits. So the problems of majority of us lie in our thinking process.
  There is a bigger problem with our belief system that is now fed into everyone and is now passing on from generation to generation. Our parent who probably had the best  of the country are still dazed since the rug was pulled off their feet and hardship set in, most parents find it so hard to exert authority to their tutored kids who've become overnight breadwinners which has now evolved to a sad case of the blind leading the blind. 
  Years back when a beverage company came up with the “Orange men” marketing concept people immediately concluded that they were gods and the world was coming to an end. We don’t ask questions, no How’s no ‘why’s, it is too tasking for the typical. It is so much easier to attribute all to God. Even getting married and staying married these days has been zeroed to be on attribute of how much we sin. Economic and social factors which are the major factors aren’t considered. I know a woman who’s child was convulsing she was rushing the child to a church, the child later died and the mom kept asking God ‘why me?’ everyone was too angry or too aggrieved to reply her.
  Our belief system will make an Aristo girl call prostitution ‘runs’, a yahoo boy call scamming ‘yahoo’ or ‘yahoo plus’. We have to fast shed away this he’s a maga; I’m the sharp one belief system. Despite what you may be gaining losing your prestige isn’t really sharp, it is tacky-yeah with so much poverty going on I agree it’s hard to tell the difference.
  Our ladies are so pretty, however the prettier we come the shallower we are. How far will our bodies take us? It’s not okay to prostitute so long as you pay your tithe, it’s not okay to scam or cheat anybody so long as you feed beggars or renovate your religious house; it is wrong, no matter how noble your motive, it is very wrong to rob Peter to pay Paul. If you would sleep with man to buy a car, that is a form of stupidity, if you buy a tokunboh car, that is plain stupidity because you will need to sleep with more men to maintain that car, and Yep! Wait for it!! If you can’t drive or you abandon the car due to its maintenance cost that is the height of stupidity a.k.a thoughtless waste of money. 
 It takes a lot to survive in this country. Even I am a student myself writing from the slums of Lagos.
  A neighbor just discovered his son was the person who often sent ‘hate-mails’ to a popular internet blog. He was a supposedly a successful U.K banker. His parents were disturbed by his tribalistic and aggressive comments. I was more bothered at the productive hours of his life he wasted on cyber space. The only place left where people can be all what they want to be an outlet of escape, a ‘living illusion’!
  The youths aren’t the only ones guilty here. We all have some form of escape, the old pontiffy objects, worship people, phenomena’s and even animals. The young escape to religions that people have abused, some kill to resurrect with virgins, even normal people fight everyday with real or perceived enemies. Little kids aren't left out they have their own world too were super heroes are glorified and pop icons are idolized…….it is a vicious cycle, it takes a lot to live in this world, this country, this society, so for 1 second don’t think my write up are meant to judge anyone.
   For the poor, most people can’t understand the feeling of being a ‘nobody’ until you walk a mile in their shoes. As every day the harsh reality of being helpless and powerless stare us in the face like a wicked teacher and flogs our egos blind, believe me the pain is far worse than labour- people believe!, in a country where there is no dignity in class.
    But we the youth especially need to realize that hardworking made-men (not billionaire debtors) didn’t make these millions overnight many not till their late 30’s, 40’s, 50’s even 60’s. Forget the misleading hip-hop culture where students want to wear original LV’s and Gucci’s. Oh! Forget them, concentrate on yourself forget taking short-cuts lets embrace hardwork - because we CAN!
    Still on the media, when we watch T.V. or listen to music, we see sex in its rawest, without its consequences, we see money without its pain, we see fame without its ugliness, killings being justified and everything perverted without their dark side.
    Many of us have issues from childhood but have never really had anyone help us confront them. We may easily find adults willing to help us with school, relationship even finances but we have very few role models, and really everyone seems hurried to nowhere.
So here it is casual sex unlike what we see in the movies isn’t liberating and friends with benefits only benefits 1 party. After all has been said and done, they don’t solve our deep rooted problems or insecurities they only suppress them like drugs and alcohol does.
    Every time people complain about public figures and supposedly role models people defending them often go “they are better because they have more money” or “people are jealous because they aren’t as rich” etc. methinks there should be better ways or things to defend people with, other than with how much they earn. 
    From our monarchical to economic class the totality of success is often gauged on the scales of money. This is a total error because if success determines Happiness and money determines success then we could conclude that money determines happiness which is the greatest fallacy the media has had many youths buy into.
    Money may buy someone political authority but not control and that's why the balance of power often shifts. Money may make us a quiet home but not necessarily a happy one that is why some tastefully furnished houses still appear cold. Money on its own no matter how much eventually becomes obsolete with time and that's why we hear of old money and new money.
    Which leads us to the issue of determination? This thing called determination works like a science, it is a gift from God and is freely given whether you believe in his existence or not, it’s a gift like the sun, moon, rain, etc. and so it get annoying to hear some say peoples sin’s don’t make them successful it’s a blatant lie. People need not be misled God is just and faithful to all his creation. Laziness, negativity, self-doubt and unreadiness are some of things that make a person fail not just with finances but marriages, education, relationship etc. it is a natural law and one of the many sciences that makes us appreciate the power of God.
    I had a friend once in our 1st year in school the day a group leader  said she didn’t want dullards in her group & exempted her, that singular incidence moved her from. A 2.2 GPA in her 1st year to a 1st class in her finals. I’m yet to have such earth shattering academic achievements (lol) but I developed a brand new respect and appreciation for the force called determination. Let our pain ignite a better us in a positive manner and that’s the moral of the story.
    It is very true the Jews who are said to be the most industrious people once depended on God for their every manna, let us not fail to realize that an ‘F’ student could either stay up all night to read or stay up all night to pray. 1 will reflect on the report card the other will not, doing both will propel him to excellence.
    After all has been said lets always remembered that life without good character development no matter how your weigh your success is an empty existence!
   
 

Scrapbook: COMMON ENEMY THEORY PART II

  Recently I read about the Nazi politics and I couldn’t help but marvel at how history keeps repeating itself. The only difference is they based enmity on blood, since we share one blood (if you doubt that is a topic for another day) we choose to base our common enemy on tribe and religion. Since offence is the best defense some may get offended at such comparison but give it a moment, look inwards and realize that Anti-semantics and tribalism all start mildly  before blowing to disturbing proportions.
  1st we have the NUREMBERG laws prohibiting Jews from marrying or procreating with ARYANS (i.e. German Blood). However ours come in mild-cases were inter-tribal marriage are mostly frowned upon but inter-racial ones are perceived as racial hygiene. I remember reading how most Jews fled troubled countries in Europe at the time had low populations of death i.e. Denmark, France and Italy. However Albania was the only country occupied by Nazi’s that had a higher Jewish population in 1945 than 1939. Refugees and Jewish native where treated as honored guest, in a country whose population was roughly 60% Muslim the so-called ‘PAGAN” Japan acted similarly. The pagans in Shanghai ghetto disguised scores of Jews. That’s not all… In Nazi holocaust parish’s contributed to the massacre by supplying information on the Jews with their birth record to show who was Jewish and who wasn’t and still that’s not all, for those of us who are even intolerant of other sects in our religions only  because we share divergent views and believes Jehovah witnesses were massacred in their thousands for refusing to pay allegiance to the Nazi’s, I would like to see how many overzealous religious bigots die for what they believe (not brain washed) in ………….
My point is this, in perilous times the so-called people we don’t share ideals, beliefs, religions; may see infidels and unbelievers as human 1st and that these apply to all religions
And I’m still not done……..
   Social Darwinism declares some people biologically valuable than others. It convinces people to save money to cure the curable rather than spend maintaining the incurables.
Of course we haven’t gotten to the point of EUGENICS but utter neglect of the incurably sick/biologically invaluable, paralyzed, all terminal Neurological conditions tell us a lot how much we value the lives of people who just aren’t as privileged.
Many of us will reject in Jesus name procreating with a cripple, blind, albino just because we call them invalids we even believe children born from abnormal chromosomes are a curse that is why a mother will dump her offspring by the roadside out of shame.
  I’ve met a few people who can stand albinos. We say they stink, their complexion irritates us or their blue-eyes are scary some say they are spirits, in many countries they are used for rituals/medicinal purpose. Yet we condemn white folks for calling us “dirty black monkeys”! It’s okay for prisoners to rot in prison, since that’s what they are 'criminals' they can spend donkey years behind bars in the most inhuman and unhygienic conditions still they are yet to be convicted by a court of law- many of them.
You see how easy many of us could have been convinced to turn these groups of people to lab-rats like many Jewish children in the concentration camp were…our individual and collective mild cases of social Darwinism.
 It’s easy to forget that the beauty of life lays in our variation, in our differences. I can’t imagine a world where everyone is chaste, good, beautiful and jovial. Our creator in all his wisdom gave us free-will; hence since we are not born equal let us strive to give people equal opportunities.

Scrapbook: COMMON ENEMY THEORY (CET)

  Every time, you wake up in the morning, the way you brush your teeth, hook your bra (if you’ve to, lol), lace your shoes. What I’m saying is our lives follow a particular pattern, everything we do defines us. Man is a walking work of art. From the wisdom of the old to the dreams of the young. Scientifically studying people from the times they are most vulnerable, loveable, and critical is an art as well as a science, we all follow unique patterns.
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, complain and most fools do”
Benjamin franklin
Now to the main issue most Nigerians are so angry, sad and take delight in mudslinging and insulting at the barest opportunity, most times just for the heck of it. Even on purely political matters people base opinions on personal issues, tribes, stereotypes and at some point lose focus of the main issues.
It is popularly said know thy enemy; know thyself, we are well running from thy enemy, real, perceived or imagined. We may’ve enemies but we are our own greatest enemies.
Common Enemy Theory (CET) between new acquaintances determined to build foundation for a form of relationship will always find one opposite thing you agree upon or someone you mutually fundamentally dislike, you connect on such a deep level that a sense of trust is born. A good example of CET is wiki leaks, Makes us shout traitor to those who snitch on us but loyal to our ‘sons’ that rob us blind.
We connect on tribalism. The level of tribalism in every one of us is so high; even rational thinkers often fall victims. We often have a smirk in our faces when a particular fate befall a particular tribe thankful it is not our situation
If there is a ‘break up’ of the country which some people are advocating we would still have the same problem we’ve because the problem is you & I. In as much as we accuse our government each day it is not zombies or foreigners in government. I dare say if Social Security is paid to every Nigerian it will disappear before reaching the poor folks. If Royalty is paid to every citizen it will disappear before it gets to the masses. We need to deal 1st with the corrupt institution you and I make up before we can attempt a change from the Bourgeoisie that rule us.  
The moment we shed away our garment of ignorance, tribalism, corruption and prejudice and realize we are all one and same at that point we can move forward.
The moment we realize that the death of every human being is more than an individual or casualty figures but of grave consequences. It’s the death of a relationship, breadwinner and agent of change, companionship, family ties, support and so much more.
Every death potentially adds to those H-I-V figures, unemployment figures, crime rate, prostitution and other vices we try to protect ourselves and love ones from or we’re trying to get out of its shackles.
Rather our fences are high, they grow higher each year, it doesn’t matter what goes on out so long as it doesn’t get in, everyone can die of hunger provided my family is very well fed. The country can burn so long my family is abroad!
We watch people suffer when we can cause a change then turn around and Thank God it isn’t us. We only react as long as it involves ourselves and/or families. Every day we pray the hooligans and street urchins just becomes extinct because, they are a complete nuisance to our society/family/environment.
People who advocate a violent revolution can’t understand our problem isn’t dictatorship or total class struggles like other revolutions in history and present. All we have are a tribal and religious majority struggling for dominance. If at all we end up having a tribal or religious war as seen in other African countries, there will be no clear winners but carnage and collateral damage that would still be paid for by our unborn children.

Scrapbook: DOES NIGERIA DESERVE ME? PARTII

   Don’t Envy the success, envy struggle those words sink into me every day in my lecture hall someone thought it wise to write in on the wall just above the white board, so try, you  can’t miss it. Nothing best describes the Nigerian hustle like the word - THE HUSTLE – it’s our respect for hard work and pursuit of excellence. We are everywhere from the hottest desert to striving in the coldest region in the world. Our culture of greatness imbibed in all both big and small.
Despite our culture of greatness money has eroded our values, our souls, our principles.
   I would start with us women, if we say a country is bad it then says a lot about the quality of women it has. I can’t emphasize the need for quality women enough, women with superior thought process. It is not poverty, corruption or lack of education all the time, every country has its fair share; you value your children but don’t know where they are, the friends they keep, their sexuality or what they do for money vis-à-vis the new tab, shoes and blackberry phones. ‘You value your home’, but every day it is war thorn, your kids hear you policing your spouse, arguing with your spouse and yelling ‘Go and do what your mates are doing for dough!” Every day we women are pushing our men into corruption, our children to materialism and our society to poverty of the mind. Your children are as good as you make them. Your family is as good for the society as you make them. If the family is the smallest unity of the society, ultimately the goodness or otherwise of a society is how ‘we’ women make it.
    If we can turn down money to uphold our belief, or turn down awards or any forms of recognition for what we believe or because you believe you don’t deserve it, we would achieve such growth and success because the things we sacrifice tell a lot about our values, because We have designed our lives to enjoy the fruits of other people’s labor while they are ripe.
   We are a people more particular about money than even our health. More than 10 years ago my mother closed-down her shop in Oke-Arin because she didn’t have the conscience to erase and reprint expiry date as others did……….. Fast forward 10 years after most imported and canned foods are expired goods. It is a Nigerian who stuffs drugs into a dead baby, it is we Nigerians who sell our own kidneys, it is not desperation nor poverty; yes it is really nobody’s business how you live your life but then we unapologetically harm our own, impoverise our own, Abuse our own and we do these for no better reason than for money.
   We steal without shame every day, sleep with married men, patronize prostitutes, no one is here to judge you but when we brag about these things but tuck away our spouse and kids at home sheltering them from the madness of the country we by many means contribute to. We build huge walls and exert massive gates to keep our enemies out but are the same time locking things in. The worst things that happen in the society happen within those walls, locking your screams in its coldness. A friend once sent me a text, there are things that are known, there are things that are unknown, and then there are walls, huge walls.
   I’m not done, traders can’t draw the line between cheating and profit, cultist rape students in their OWN schools, politicians under develop their OWN people, bosses collect a portion of subordinates salaries after working them into organizations, NYSC officials purposely post corpers to danger spots to make money from ‘posting-runs’. From the lecturer who demands sex for marks to corporate bodies who claim millions in profit annually but still downsize their workforce. ..                                      
   We give our kids out as maids and prostitutes without batting an eyelid, we turn chalk to medicinal drugs, import poisonous toys and baby food other countries reject. Bad things aren’t peculiar to us but our acts of callousness amongst our OWN SELVES is mind bugling and our motives are even worse. These people on these acts aren’t people thrown from the moon, they are our spouses, pastors, imams, neighbors, cousin, sisters and we turn a blind eye so long ‘no evil befalls my tent’ well, it’s okay! Research shows that “over 1 million American die from heart diseases and cancer. Annual causes of which are now easily linked to environmental forces in its majority”. It beats me that new lung cancer cases are more from non-smokers than smokers; I’m talking about Nigeria right now so for you in charge of fixing our roads or power generation whom have neglected their duties, we are all stuck in the same traffic and inhale the same clogged air polluted from gasoline fumes while we sleep. So keep digging others graves and ironically yours too.
   I would stop here by saying, if we can’t be perfect, let us at least be good!

Scrapbook: DOES NIGERIA DESERVE ME?

I won’t die for Nigeria and every day I question what the country has done for me as a youth and citizen till 1 day an incident happened that made me question my belief as day in day out I see Nigerians bring more pain to Nigeria than even Non-Nigerians. Before you earn the right to ask what the country has done for you, consider all the pains we bring her individually and collectively, everyday.
   It is said an active mind creates wealth and good health. Let’s get our mind busy and bless the world, let’s quit the ‘Giant of African mentality’ and get our hands dirty with hard work rejecting our false sense of superiority which is a form of inferiority complex by itself. Ignorance, superstition, paranoia and Bias have changed many otherwise ‘intelligent folks’……….. That’s why even the smartest amongst us will forward messages about a killer number……”I don’t believe, but we can’t say…..” starts all the messages. It happened once, twice and the recent one being the 3rd time shows that as a people we live in myopic and continuous fear………
    If you live in the ghetto you are disturbed by more noise-pollution from religious houses than any other place. At 12 am, every midnight a neighbor comes by window side to clap, sing et al after a while I had had enough ‘sleepless night and study less days' I had to put an end to it………… I got the dissing of my life and yep you guessed he called me a witch and source of his problems. Let me quickly add he lives in a cubicle with a wife, son, sister and new born, may I also add sound asleep away from the 12 am noise. Why a jobless man has so many mouths to feed yet blames his enemies beats me, to every man his belief though. Many a time our problem is nothing but lack of common sense. 
   If we will rather turn our thoughts to thirst for knowledge, guns to the barracks, take our machetes to the farm and use our tongue to pray (not by our neighbor’s window, lol), Nigerian/African as a whole would solve most of its fundamental problems. We use these great things for all the wrong reasons. Through so many ups and down the purpose of this write up is to inspire, motivate greatness put all hands on desk not to use the opportunity to use all to get himself out but use everyone to give everyone equal opportunity to get out.  ‘Let the learned use the unlearned for the good of all because there is power in our number’.

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